Well its been a long time since I last posted because so much has changed! I mean Zach had his baby and he's happy as can be and him and Shellbie even got married! Dallas is also now 2! I know, I know, tear :'( lol nah hes doing so great! He's speaking sentences and hes really impressionable! He is also so fricken cute sometimes I look at him and I literally see the male version of me! Dallas has had quite the life already man but the worst part is his dad doesn't see him very often hes been dealt a pretty rough hand including myself filing for child support so he didn't pay and his license was taken lol. The thing that I hate is that Dallas dont really see him very often but yet he still gets to be his dad. When he does see him you can tell he trusts him more and more cuz he does remember him its just that he really dont see him other than every few months he says that will change here after this last visit but Im just sitting back and waiting for it so we'll see. I'm doing ok though I'm actually currently in a relationship of three months :). His name is Shawn and he makes me really happy and I'm completely in love with him and even at certain times I feel like I can compare him to that saying , "One day a person will enter your life and show you why it never worked with anyone else." There's just one thing that bothers me its like he says things such as "If you dont mess up and lose me," or "If we can make it last." Those kinds of sayings just make me wonder if it'll for real last. We just had a pretty good fourth of July together it was the first holiday we celebrated together. I tried a new drink with him called Not Your Father's RootBeer. I didnt eat enough beforehand so I had a massive hangover on the fifth but I think I learned my lesson. You may be saying how old is she? but dont worry I'm 21 and I didnt drink till I turned 21 I'm a rare one you find in society who actually follows the laws. You may recall that I said my life is okay it's because I'm not entirely excited about life. I still have no license and live with my mom and because of not having a license I only have a part time job as well. I know, I know, no one else can fix things but myself but idk what to do all I have to do is learn parallel parking and it seems no one is really available to teach me :/. Shawn showed me on the fourth how but I go by that phrase, "the only way you really learn is by doing it yourself." So there's that and I really hate living at my moms house... she does everything for my brother and please believe me on that! She cleans the bathroom, she does all his dishes, she makes his bed, does his laundry, and if she could she prolly would cook for him and shower for him! I just can't take it and it kinda feels like I'm sponging off them by living with them. I know my step dad is beyond ready to have the house to themselves. I just feel depressed a lot I'm really happy to have my boyfriend and my son just feel like I need more out of life... I do love my job tho I usually get really excited about projects and all and if I could I would just be happy being there the rest of my life but I think I'll need a 2nd job eventually. Only problem with the license I'm having is my permit expires next February as well and it's gonna come at me really fast. I almost want to just take the test and try to get my license but I think without parallel parking I just am destined to fail. Since this is also a way to voice my feelings I'm very happy with my relationship but he has a son and that demands a lot of his attention as well which doesnt feel too good cuz when I was with Zach I saw him nearly every day but with Shawn it's like once a week sometimes two and he said thats part of why his other relationships didnt last either and I dont want us to end. I love him so much and I feel like maybe someday our lives could loop together I just know I'm not very patient. I hate that I don't really have a good friend to hang out with because mine moved to colorado with her husband in March. :/ I always just tell her I'm happy for her but I'd really love it if she came back again :/ Me and my mom's relationship has taken a turn for not there too much anymore since I broke up with Zach I know she loves him and I do too but as a friend.. I don't think I could ever be with him again even if Shellbie and him did break up eventually I just don't see him the same way anymore. He has this marriage with her that hes just controlling and she has to do what he says or she can't live there anymore or something. Also he's willing to still live with her even though theyve had tons of disgusting issues I won't mention on here cuz thats their business I just know I could never have what we had with the man he's become. Not to mention I have something with Shawn I would never want to lose I feel like he brings out something in me I've never seen before hes sexy, independent, so strong, and hes not very tame but I just love it all about him. The thing I dont understand is the women that have done him so wrong. I mean his sons mother turned him down when he was down on his knees begging her to stay and before that 2 yr relationship, he was with someone for a year and a half and for the end of that half, she was sleeping with his best friend who isnt even cute...I'm just so happy to have him in my life and Dallas if the rest of my life could improve things would get so much better for me but for now my life is okay but the good kind of okay basically... I think thats about it for now though thanks for listening whoever reads this if anyone :)
♥Cassidy♥
