Ummm

I've started to realize that I use this blog as an outlet for my pain and feelings whenever I'm down cuz here I am again new time, new prob, but same day. This time it's about something but it also latches onto the prob I had earlier.  So the wedding was ok I could be a great actress someday cause all day it sucked for me but I wore a pretty little smile and tried getting along with everyone. What was the biggest shock was my brother I mean this  brother hes like the "I'm too cool for you" kind of guy and he actually got along with me and talked to me and idk he kinda made the day suck a little less. After we got home though things kinda shifted I was supposed to maybe go to this party and me and mom were all set to go pick out my outfit to wear.  Everything else in the day was gonna work out perfectly but then Boom. Mom came in my room asked if I was ready to go-because she invited Gregg to go with us too! This sucked I wasn't going for it so I told her never mind I didn't wanna go. This really sucked for me cuz I was ready to let loose and just have a great time with friends I haven't seen in like forever. This isn't how I'm gonna put it to my friends though cuz for starters I'm just ignoring my phone for a while. I don't wanna hear how much fun they had and blah blah blah. I just don't want it so I'm not gonna take it. Tomorrow's a pretty good day I'm going to the zoo with Mr and Mrs. Ondracek + my wonderful brother. Thats prolly the only part that I'll be OK with is that Mike will show up and we'll have a fun day it won't just be me putting on a happy face for the happy couple. Idk how I'm dealing with this but somehow I am but I'm also thinking lots of other things so I'm not doin so great. I think I can beat the bad thoughts though if I cover them with good ones like how my life could turn out. Things have kinda went to Hell though. Um well I guess that's all think I'm gonna go grab a shower                               ♥Cassidy♥

HATE THIS

Ughhh so It's 8:59 in the morning on Friday July 23rd or as I like to call it a day I dont wanna live. Mom's getting married to this guy she's been dating for like 4 yrs...I just think it's dumb. I dont want her to. She's my mom not his wife and after today Everything changes. It sucks me and my mom we have such a bond no one cud ever break it...well at least before. Now Gregg is entering and not just as like her bf but as like someone who I'm gonna have to deal with for the rest of my life. God I'm screaming so much on the inside it sucks that I cant stop this. I don't want it to happen. I don't care if she wants it I dont and I feel like her doing it with me being ok with it is incredibly selfish. Lately I've been feeling like low like low enuff to maybe just end it all and who knows maybe this is just the thing to do it. Ughh I just dont want her to do it and she's gonna + shes gonna make me stand up for her as she ELOPES because she's also too chicken to tell our family. Gregg keeps saying they want it be a surprise but to me they're just being cowards and I'm so incredibly mad at them both but mostly mom. Like seriusly what gives her the right to do this I dont want her to and Idk if I can seriusly take it. This might be just what is needed for me to ........ I've tried talking to her about how much I hate this but she just wont listen and she "loves" him w.e idc I dont and idk this is just dumb and for real idk if i can deal with this. Guess that's it I'll keep this updated
                ♥Cassidy♥