So it's been a while and thing have definitely changed about me including school family and even with my bestie Zach ha. His mom is going to see him on the 17th this month in North Carolina so thats good I'm happy for them. I really am because she should get to see him before me and catch up with him before me and yah it's all cool i'm fine with it.Because i get to see him at Thanksgiving even though she will get to then too but still its awesome! :) Anyways enough of that happiness. Im a senior! Thats right me! I've done it I've made it through 3 yrs of high school and I'm working on the final one I'm so proud of me haha I've survived that long I've had a few times when that bad thought entered my head but I made it to this day and I'm not dead so so far so good. Thats actually an event that I wanted to write about so I can get it outof my system. It happened between me and my brother about a few weeks ago. It started when the dirty hobo, Lucy (Black cocker Spaniel, Pepper) snuck into my brother's room while he was eating which I guess he don't like but anyways he yelled that Lucy was eating his noodles well these were broccoli noodles so I still think to this day that he gave them to Lucy and then wudnt own up to it. So I took him on I accused him of giving them to him because he didn't like them and he didnt even defend himself he just got his mad look on his face backed my into the wall made a fist and pounded into the wall right next to my head then left the room and as he did he said the worst thing in my opinion. I would never say it to him and I'm so sensitive to people saying it I just immediately entered shock. He said "wow i really wish you would just go jump off a cliff" I took this as maybe it was my time to go because no one had ever said anything before about me dying and he did right then and there so immediately i knew i couldn't do anything drastic so i started thinking and then i had it i knew how to get rid of me. I was going to take a handfull of pills and so i went downstairs to find some. I couldn't find any I could just hear my brothers echoing inside my head and it just wouldnt stop. The next thing my mom came downstairs and asked what i was doing i said "its my time to go and no one can stop it its decided" she said she wudnt stand for it and she was gonna call the cops so I told her to do what she had to do. She didn't call the cops she came over to me and I couldn't hear what she was saying just something about she wanted me to look at her and i couldnt cuz i just didnt want to. This wasnt my mom for that instant she was a woman who took the side of someone who said he didnt care if i lived or died and she didn't see that as wrong. I just kept hearing my brother echo inside my head and it wudnt go away then i got this moment where i couldn't breathe and i collapsed into the wall and slumped down with my head in my knees. Mom wudnt stand for this she pulled my chin up and told me this wasn't me this was my sister that she would do this kind of thing. This made me think and you know what? She was right I was doing exactly what Yvonne would do if she didn't have anyone on her side so i just turned it off and it went away i didn't even have to try. For an instance in that time I did feel as though a demon was living inside me and I couldn't defeat it. All it was was my sister though and I'm fine. The worst part of it to me is that my brother could even say that to me I just could never say that kind of thing to him without joking. My mom thinks I forgave him and were fine lucky for me I make a convincing actress. I don't see me and my brother ever being close again lucky for me the only person or persons who will ever know is whoever reads this post right here. Youll keep it a secret tho right ;)
                                                                                                                              ♥ Cassidy ♥