GREAT DAY!! :)

So its 7:08 and Zach was here an hour ago isnt that awesome? He spent even just a few hours with me today. He said he's going to be doing that everyday just a little for any time we can get while he's sick until he feels better :). I cant wait till he feels better we had a great time and got everything and anything we had on the inside out in the open. :)He told me everything that went wrong for him in Logan and we apologized and we're all better. He is probably sleeping now. I talked to him around 5/6 and he sounded a lot better but I could be wrong it was on the phone so I'm not sure. But I have big hopes that he's getting better :). I'll love it when he gets better because that will bring our kisses back. When I was watching One Life to Live a few minutes ago I saw this really happy couple kiss and it reminded me how great our kisses are :). When we kiss I feel like I get lifted right off the ground and I'm just floating in a sea of happiness and I love it. That's one thing I'm missing because he's sick but I do respect him as he doesn't want to get me sick and that's why he wont let me kiss him :). He's so perfect for me and everyday I just feel us grow closer even if we have spats when we makeup we take like 5 steps forward :). I have the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for at least I know he's perfect for me. 
                                                                                                     ♥Cassidy♥

Its Coming

Kudos to me for almost wrecking myself! Yah my fasting lasted like maybe 12 hours but then Zach told me that it can make me sick not to eat so I fixed Doritos and have been eating since. :) Even though I've been eating regularly my stomache it in knots as Zach's going away day creeps closer every day and its sad yesterday it was 13 days and today it is 12 :(. I'm going to miss him so much and this cold of his has come at the worst time I wanted to spend every second of time with him before he boards his plane but right now I'll be lucky if I get to see him 10 days out of the 12. One of those 10 days if that's right is VERY SPECIAL. Its Zach's BDAY!! :) Hes turning 18! I'm taking him out to dinner and then when we get home he gets to sit on the loveseat and be blown away :). I'm getting him a GREAT present and it came to me this morning after saying I'd prolly get him a useless and whatever else I said this morning haha it was 7 in the morning and give me a hell yah if ur tired that early in the morning also. I know I was though shoot my lazy ass stayed in till 11:45 then I woke up and started planning his present right away. :) I think he's going to love it :) Almost as much as I love him but not quite as much xD. He's the perfect guy for me I can see us together all the way up to the rocking on the rocking swing set at night as old farts :). Not everything can be perfect though there has to be some spats right? Well yesterday we didn't really have one but there was a bit of a distance between us at his Grandmother's house in Logan I went to the backyard as soon as he started John Deere mowing if you know what I mean if not go to Google and look it up I ain't here to explain stuff to you. I'm here to talk about me. I liked it in the backyard just feeling the wind whip my hair because a part of me thought he was trying to not be around me which I did find out later that it wasn't me he was trying to avoid. Phew! But I do admit I liked the wind blowing on my face and just letting me think. I called mom and shes an idiot she told me to go out where he was and take the mower. Yahhhh she's not the brightest crayon in the 64 pack but hey neither am I. Mostly all my friends have asked if I'm hiding my natural blonde hair somewhere. :/ I can't help but be dumb sometimes though because I just am that way. Sometimes I wonder if I'm special ed and if the teachers just don't put me in it because I have a little potential to be smart. Idk though who knows really besides the teachers who make the decisions. After she told me to do that though I said never mind and just hung up I didn't need her smartness. I did get along with someone better in Logan tho actually 2 people :). I felt dumb for coming tho after I saw how much pain Zach put him himself through. It was so bad he didn't even wanna talk the car ride home. I thought that was it and it was done there was gonna be just sadness in the night but then something spectacular happened I offered him the medicine I'd promised him. When I brought it out to him there was a light in his eyes and he said thank you Babydoll =) that stayed with me all of last night. It made me see why I really love him because through all that pain he still managed to find a smile and his warm soothing voice for ME :) I'm so in love with him and I really do wish him the best recovery possible because I know he's in a lot of pain but thats why he's my man he can always fight through and come back 100% maybe even just before his trip but as long as he feels better I will be a happy happy camper. =D. With him gone though I do have a few things changing for me on TV Pretty Little Liars (Have you seen it? Go see it! Forget that Jersey Shore,,,,watch PLL its better !!! ) returns this Tuesday!,, Also the day I get paid!! Oh yahhhhh mulahhhhh :p. Gonna be awesome this time it is spent on everyone besides me itll be soooo funnnnn !!!! :)  Guess that's all for now treasure your loved ones close and remember watch PLL Tuesdays on ABC Family with me This summer :)...                                                                                                                             ♥Cassidy♥

Something New

        Well its June 8th, and today marks the first day of my no more eating. I like food don't get me wrong but my boyfriend told me that I eat a lot so in order to prove him wrong I'm going to not eat again then he will have to see that I don't eat a lot. Of course I have to keep this hidden because he told me that if I did this he would in fact break up with me and I don't want that so he's not going to be in on this plan. It's kind of scary but hey maybe I'll even like it. It'll not only be scary but tough too. See my mom makes dinner every night and I love her for it but I'm probably going to have to send what she gives me down the toilet. It's nothing personal with her I just want to prove him wrong. I love my boyfriend so much he's like my everything  but he wants to go and leave me here while he goes to North Carolina as he's homesick. I feel bad for him but I feel like the time he spends out there is subtracted away from our time. He's scheduled to leave on the day after his birthday or a few days after. I'm going to miss him sooooo much but he said he's going to bring webcam and we can chat over that and he will text me so I believe it will be ok :). I'll just miss him a lot. He has a free flight voucher and that's how he will get there I just hope he doesn't adore it so much he doesn't want to leave. He has to come back though because he promised. He's good at not breaking promises but he has started lying to me 2x now idk why. I mustve done something wrong though. I hope he stops it really hurts me but at least now ik how he felt when I lied to him. :/ I just miss the way we were when we first started no controlling no lying just being us trying to impress each other. U cant stay in honeymoon mode forever though... :/ It just sucks for me that it can't because now it gets for real and that for us could mean a month apart not even in the same zip code :/ Oh well thats all for now I'm gonna go drink some water cuz I'm feeling hungry...                                                                                                    ♥Cassidy♥

UGHHHH

So its been a while, I have a boyfriend now his name is Zach and he's annoying me soooo much right now. He made it seem like I didn't wanna talk to him which couldn't b farther from the truth. Whys he so ughhhhhhful?? It's so annoying I wish that he could just like get over it for real. It's all my fault though. Awww he just made a list as to why the fight was all his fault :).i started it 2 i fought u 3 i argued 4 i wouldnt listen 5 its our 3 month this shouldnt happen 6 we should be happy but i didnt let it happen 7 i caused it 8 i kept it going 9 this fight was stupid 10i love you. He's so sweet I could never do any better than him forget all the other guys I've had in my life, he beats them all like rock beats a pair of scissors I'm so lucky to have him :)
and I'd never wanna lose him                                                      ♥Cassidy♥

This SUX

Ughhh ever since my sister failed at life my mom was gonna be all about making it about me and Mike. But once again it's all about Mike, he got the Droid X for his new phone upgrade and that keeps me from getting the phone I want. I hate him! She always treats him like he's the favorite kid like maybe we can do this Cassidy if MIKE doesn't wanna do this other thing. I hate it I always feel like I'm shoved to the backseat for everything and it sucks. I wish we got treated the same. He gets like everything that he wants always all the time. I know it's because my sister has pretty much made a mess at her life and she doesn't want the same to happen with Mike, but the real stupid part of it is that she's so desperate to make sure Mike succeeds, she doesn't realize that me, I, her daughter,, is falling through the cracks slowly and she forgets to even notice because she's so desperate to see Mike succeed. It's horrible like me and her can be talking about something as simple as how our days were and then he walks in and ALL her focus go to him. Then I walk out of the room and when he leaves that's when she comes back to say sorry to me. I'm always on the back burner for everything. As you should know if you've read my previous posts, this has happened for a lot throughout my life. I'm second best friend to Alyssa and Hannah, maybe not even second, I'm second choice for my own mother, and I'm second maybe more best choice to boys, the one that I really hate is that I'm second choice when it comes to picking between me and Gregg. It's going to be like this the rest of my life. No one will ever pick me first, just everyone and everything else. Maybe I should just stop competing cause I'm always gonna be knocked out of the game for life in anything I do.Oh btw mom just came in my room she said oh and you'll get your phone around say maybe labor day. What really sucks is that we called Verizon today and I found out it's not my phone and there's nothing they can do to help with Devon not getting my messages so there he goes too oh or at least when my phone wants him to. Idk I'm just done with dealing with crap in this life and to be honest it would just be easier if it all went away like i didnt even have to commit suicide, if someone would just come along and kill me and then maybe I'll be the first one missed so I'll finally win something :'(                       ♥Cassidy♥

What You Mean to Me

Lol damn this song is stuck in my head from Disney Channel's Starstruck. It's played when Sterling Knight goes back to Minnesota after realizing he was being a jerk instead of just trying to protect the girl from the paparazzi he goes through every day after a little encouragement from his best friend Stubby. In the song he says "I know I let you down but I'm never gonna make that mistake again" and "I thought I was protecting you from everything that I go through but I know that we got lost along the way" It's a great moment song between them too and then in my opinion she should've taken him back with seeing that but instead she confronts him about thinking he could just go there and sing then get her back. But no they then had a big dramatic thing where he declared himself being crazy about her and then the end,  no kiss just the end he gives her these sunglasses from earlier in the movie and they dance, the end. I'm usually no critic but hey I'm pretty sure it could've gotten better than that ending. Anyways though, phenomenal song in my opinion anyone who's ever been hurt or wants to watch a movie about a guy turning a girl away and then having to earn her back at the end I deff recommend this movie. Ha I remember when I first watched it though. Idk I cant remember why but I was really not happy about sterling winning the girl over cause for real she was awesome at first she hated him, wanted nothing to do with him. And then BAM she fell into a whole day spent with him and she started to like him. I was like really why do they always have to live happily ever after she was doing so well denying him and not liking him and whatever, but I'm over that and I like watching it for that reason. It gives you hope that maybe there's a guy out there who can be like him and you could find someone to fall for even in the worst of situations lol.                                         ♥Cassidy♥

WHYYY?!

Idk what's wrong with me but there has to be something! What really sucks is my mom's new husband in total honeymoon mode and they're gonna be like that cuz one they're married now and two they have no idea I'm going through all this. My mom seriously maybe I could consider acting as a career future because she has even not one encling that I'm going through this. It sucks that I can't tell her cause to be honest me and her, we don't keep secrets. I hate that this one is being kept from her cause she could really help but if I tell her she's married now and she tells Gregg everything even when I ask her not to so that window of communication has been closed off. I don't tell my mom secrets anymore she just blabs them because "they don't keep secrets from each other." Well she can do that but I'm now keeping secrets from her because when I tell her things it doesn't mean go out and tell Gregg a secret means DON'T TELL ANYONE and she will automatically. I guess in a way I don't trust my own mom anymore. Who do I trust? I mean I definitely wouldn't trust Mike I guess I trust my bst friend Alyssa, she knows about everything that's happened with me. She's one that I dont think will judge me and so I trust her, but I don't trust my mom anymore. The secret being kept from her though about Cedrick is tearing me up inside and i dont know what to do honestly. That's a lie I know what to do and I know that I know what to do it's just too risky so I can't cause I know she'd tell Gregg. In other news, school starts on Tuesday I wonder what couples I will see this year to be jealous of. I got super cute clothes for it though so at least I'll look cute while I envy other girls lol. Can't wait to see what else goes wrong in my life        ♥Cassidy♥